A Darker Path AU fic: Fresh Start

[sylph_fics]

The initial idea for this series can be found in coldfiredragon's two fics:
Forever is an Awful Long Time (Dick/Slade) 2,566 words
Pieces of a Puzzle(Dick/Slade) 806 words
And then I wrote these:
Broken Past, Darker Futures(Dick/Roy) 7,887 words
Negotiations (Dick/Slade) 1,985 words
Changing The Rules (Slade) 1,484 words
and then merfilly added:
A Bird in the Hand(Dinah, Slade) 3,014 words

Now there's more yet.

Title: Fresh Start
Pairing: Dick/Roy, Slade/Dick implied
Rating: R, language and sexual references
Warnings: ...nah.
Summary: After the events of the night before, Roy's hurt and scared and pretty screwed up, Dick's trying to explain things and make it better, and there's a five year old that's been pretty worried about her daddy. Oh, and a far too amusing Rose Wilson.
Wordcount: 3,630
Feedback: Oh, yes, please.


The feel of hard, warm muscle against his chest as he shifted in his sleep startled Roy into a half-conscious state--it wasn't something he was used to anymore. Dick had been gone so long, emotionally unavailable even longer.. whose bed was he in? He woke up a little more, trying not to yawn, eyes opening slowly... and the (perfect, beloved) scarred chest under his cheek made him wonder if he was dreaming. //Dick?// the surprised, disbelieving question was nearly voiced aloud, but he settled for just breathing deep--and the thick, sharp scent of sex and sweat and the unmistakable scent of Dick's skin, traces of his soap and shampoo made him shudder. //This is real...// he never dreamed scents, this had to be real... //God, you're home... you're all right, you're safe...// soft, glad, half-awake joy in the thought. He pressed closer, losing himself in the feel of Dick's body against his, the hardness in his posture relaxed into the gentle grace of sleep--and the move woke aches in his body, echoes of really excellent sex that made him start to smile. //We must have had a hell of--//

That word froze him, locked his body into stillness and brought everything flooding back, from the first shake of HQ to the sound of gunshots to black darkness to Dick's body over him, taking him hard and sweet--//and unwilling, god damn you, Dick, how could you do that to me?// He hurt too much to be angry, ached deep in his soul for everything he'd lost with an intensity that robbed him of his ability to breathe... //Why?//

"Breathe, Roy," came from above him and startled him into doing just that--in preparation to yell--and Dick's fingers pressed into his lips gently. "Rose brought Lian in asleep, so she settled her in. I didn't want to wake you just to see her sleep. Welcome back."

Roy shifted to stare at him, feeling the collar press gently into his throat with gut-twisting agony, letting his eyes say everything he wanted to about grief and rage and betrayal--and Dick sighed softly, right hand stroking over the close-cropped fuzz at the base of his skull. "Roy... I didn't have a choice."

He sucked in another breath past the choking tightness, eyes blazing as he started to talk, "The he--"

"Roy, stop. All right. I had one choice. Make you mine, make you admit to it without prompting... or put the bullet in your head myself. I... I couldn't. I couldn't even tell you why, or it wouldn't have counted as your choice, not if you said it just to live..."

He'd always known when Dick was lying, no matter how hard he tried to hide it--and Dick wasn't lying now. Not that that fact excused a damned thing about the last night, about-- "So you just never gave me the chance to say no? What the hell, Dick?!"

"You're right. I didn't."

//How can you be this fucking calm?! You forced this--how can you lay there like it didn't mean anything?// "I cannot believe you!"

"You'd better start, Roy," Dick's voice slipped cool, eyes slowly loosing their warmth. "I mean exactly what I say."

"That's not what I--how could you? Kory, Dick?! I already knew you didn't give a tinkers damn about anyone else on the team, but Kory?! How in the hell could you let her die?!"

"I could only save one of you," that actually sounded a little like his Robbie, with the sorrow in his voice. "Nothing would have stopped Slade from taking her, not once it was a contracted hit, not after Addie--but I had enough to bargain with to buy your life and Lian's safety."

"What, Dick, what did you even have to bargain with, with Slade?!"

"The Tower access codes. What drugs Kory's vulnerable to. The tech to neutralize Shift."

Hearing Dick list off their secrets as his bargaining tools was so revolting he wanted to be sick, but it didn't explain anything, didn't even start to make sense of what he'd done.

"So, if you were going to turn traitor, why give a damn if I died alongside my team?"

That one had hit hard, he realized as those eyes blazed blue flame. "How can you even ask me that?!"

"How can I not? You left us, disappeared off the fucking planet for over a month without a word, and the first time I see you in all that time it's at the head of a team of killers with fucking Bane on it, taking down my team for Slade fucking Wilson? Why in the hell shouldn't I ask you why you give a damn? Even before you left, you hadn't--we weren't..." Despite how damned girlish it might seem, his voice broke and his hands fisted hard, nails biting down on his palms, struggling to get away from Dick--completely futilely. Dick's hard arms locked around him, along with a leg, forcing him into stillness... but when he finally spoke, several long moments of harsh breathing later, his voice was oddly normal.

"I... yeah. I--I was screwed up, Roy. Badly. Long before I left. I... know I fucked up, I was trying so hard to live up to something I can never be that I hurt you badly... I'm sorry. I know right now you don't trust me, and I don't blame you. Hell, I wouldn't either... but," and Dick tugged his chin around with a freed hand, easing his hold, making him meet those blue eyes again--blue eyes lit with something he hadn't seen in years--Dick's honest, open love. "I need you to believe me. I love you. You're mine, all I've got left, and I will protect you. Just please don't piss Slade off. Him I can't protect you from."

Roy shook his head, fighting against that honesty, struggling to hold on to his anger, to the betrayal. "You... Dick, you knew I didn't want..." that was as close as he could come to saying it.

"Roy, were you listening? The terms of my deal with Slade were that you were mine again, completely, within twelve hours of the hit on the Outsiders, or I had to execute you. I know you, my own. If I'd tried to explain, you'd have fought me until way past the deadline, and I couldn't take that risk. I just... couldn't. Not with you. What would you do, to save me?"

That question stopped him cold. Would he have... if the alternative was... "I... I don't know, Dick. I... just don't." The thought was too... abhorrent to consider, how had Dick stood making the choice?

Dick sighed, his eyes slipping closed. "I... never wanted things to be like that, but by the time you woke up, I was running out of time."

He couldn't help reacting to that, any more than he'd been able to keep from reacting to Dick's touch, and curled a hand around his side, trying not to just break apart before he got the rest of the answers he needed so badly. Knowing why Dick had--it helped. It helped so much...

"I... Dick, I... I'm so lost right now that I don't even know where to start asking questions to make this even start to make sense... Make me understand. Please. Why?"

"I... I killed someone, Roy. As Nightwing. Deliberately." The clipped tones of Dick's voice... it was hurting him to tell this, and he shifted closer yet, watching Dick's face, the closed eyes and the tightness in his mouth. "Months ago. Oh, I told myself I froze, told myself she pulled the trigger, I couldn't have stopped her--but I could have. I wanted him dead, and I let it happen, I allowed it--and it nearly killed me. I was going crazy with the guilt, with the shame and fear of knowing I was back in Gotham with blood on my hands--I got back out as fast as I could, came back to the Outsiders, tried to forget it... I'd failed, I was everything he has always hated. I had nothing to guide me, Roy... nothing."

//Oh, god. Oh, Dick, love... why didn't you tell me? I'd have helped...// He stayed silent, waiting, knowing there was more... and knowing how horribly being adrift would have devastated his lover, how the perception of failure would have nearly destroyed him.

"I couldn't let anyone see, couldn't let anyone close enough to figure it out--that's why I was so... well. I know what you think of my behavior. I got out, and... I got deep into trouble. Waaay deep. Slade tracked me down, don't ask me how, I still don't know. He offered me a place, Roy. Offered me his backing if I'd teach Rose... He offered me--"

"--a path again. Slade's path, the killer's path... but a path. Oh, god Dick, I..."

Dick nodded up at him, blue eyes clear and calm. "Yeah. He gave me back a road to walk, Roy, when I'd cut every tie I ever had to Bruce with two damned bullets. He'll never forgive me--and Nightwing doesn't fly without Batman's backing, hard as I tried to prove otherwise. Tim's too much Bruce's to let me back in his life... everything I had--but you--was gone, Roy..."

"Dick, if you owne--"

"I won't. I refuse to let Bruce's morals punish me for killing the bastard that torched my circus, blew up my home, killed my friends, tried twice to have Babs murdered, and knew who I was. I refuse to feel guilty for it anymore. It was the right call, Roy, a call I should have made a long time ago." Roy stared at that expression, at the defiantly determined expression as he turned those words over, trying to understand how his Robbie had gotten dragged down into the mud with him.

"I... that's not a Titan's choice... but it's one I've made, Dick. One Ollie's made. Tell me you knew I'd understand..."

"I was too fucked up to know anything, Roy. Now that I can actually think straight, yeah. I know. We never talked about it, but.. I remember what Checkmate was like."

He nodded, just the once, letting some of the resentment and pain drain away in the wake of this. "Slade finally won... he's got you... I'm... amazed you managed to get him to let me live."

"He's got plans... Roy, something big is going down. Bigger than anything we've ever dealt with. The villians are all uniting... something about Light is the basis, Slade's not telling me what, yet. I think he's still putting pieces together, but... they're all cooperating. More than the usual. It's going to be bad, bad news, very soon."

"And you're going to stay on their side?!" Despite all appearances, there really was nothing left of his lover, not if he could stand that thought.

"Don't be ridiculous, Roy. Slade's in this for the profit, so am I--but the last thing either of us wants is a world where Luthor or Talia al'Ghul is in control. If nothing comes of it, nothing comes of it... but if they really unite, if things look too bad... well. Playing both sides is what he does best--and I'm not too bad at it, either. Especially now. I may not be a hero anymore... but nothing says I have to be a supervillain because of that. I'm still figuring out who I am now--but I want you with me to do it.

"Are you with me, my own?"

Roy thought about saying no--realized where that would leave his baby girl; realized where that would leave Dick, what killing him would do to Dick if he forced it... and knew he couldn't. Not when Dick had gone to such lengths to save his life, bring his daughter to safety... he couldn't abandon Dick, couldn't leave his baby and his lover in Slade's mercenary hands. "Yeah, Dick. I'm with you. I'm yours."

That smile was like a summer morning, cold still from the night but with the promise of all that blazing heat, radiant and dazzling and so him it almost hurt to see--then Dick was kissing him, deep and sure and sweet and so, so good... He lost himself in it, settling in to trying to save his heart's mate.

*~*~*~

When he could think again, they were wrapped around each other, face to face with Dick's body pressing him down into the bed, sweat-soaked and hearts racing. Dick smiled at him--god, he'd missed that smile, the real one--and ran a hand down his cheek gently, "I missed you."

Roy just wrapped his arms tighter, low around Dick's waist. "I'm right here." //I've always been here why didn't you know that?//

"Yeah. You are." Seeing Dick look that... content... was almost reason enough to stay, all on its own. Long moments of just breathing, then Dick sighed. "We should probably clean up and go check on Lian."

"Yeah, we should. You're sure she's o--"

"She's fine. Rose likes Lian, remember?"

"You're talking about the girl that put out her eye to be like Daddy, Dick, I'm not all that reassured..."

"She's getting better," Dick said, quick and defensive. "She was crazy at that point, it's not her fault. She's better now."

"Okay... okay. Sorry. My bad."

Dick shrugged, fluid and feline, and kissed him gently. "I really am sorry about the cheek, I didn't mean to slap you that hard. My control's still a little off when I'm really upset."

Roy shook his head, "It's all right. We've done worse to each other, pretty often. So, shower?"

"Yeah... probably better take them separately, or we'll be a while..."

Roy couldn’t help smiling at the old joke between them. "Yeah, we just might. Who's going first?"

"You can," Dick replied and slowly slipped away from him, sitting up on the bed. "Just let me get your collar, first. Wet leather's painful."

"Yeah. Just a little," he sat up to let Dick unlock the collar, dipping his head to make that easier, and looked at it intently. "That's not mine."

"I know... yours went up with my apartment. I had to go back and buy another one, I'm sorry." He looked a lot angrier than sorry, in Roy's personal opinion.

"Oh. Okay. I knew it didn't feel right."

"Yeah," Dick stroked his shoulder, collar in his other hand. "Go on, get your shower. I'll dig out the clothing I picked up while you're in there."

"Oh, god, should I be afraid? I mean, I know your taste in clothes..." grinning as he teased him gently--and Dick swatted him with a pillow faster than he could see coming.

"Brat. Just for that I ought to pick something perfectly awful."

Roy shrugged, started to slide out of bed... then leaned over and kissed Dick deep before doing so. Once Dick let him up, he headed for the open bathroom door to wash up, wincing at the bruise across his cheek as he tracked down towels and figured out the shower controls.

*~*~*~

Once they were both cleaned up and dressed--and Dick had chosen to wear that damned tempting black again, damn it--they headed out the door. Roy eyed the house as they moved, "Wow. Fancy..."

"What, you thought he lived in a bunker?" he could hear Dick's eyes rolling.

"I w--am not going to say anything about that," he cut himself off. Not in the man's house, not to a Dick that spoke about Slade in the tones he'd once reserved for Bruce. That apparently pleased Dick, as it got him kissed again.

"Smart. C'mon, she's in here," as he pushed open the door. Girlish laughter bubbled out, making him smile in reply, and he slipped past Dick through the door. "Lian?" he called, scanning the room for her, and from a door across the room came a shriek of "Daddy, Daddy!"

The door banged open and she ran across the room. He bent and caught her, pulling her tight against his chest, feeling tension flow out of him. Not that he hadn't believed Dick, he had... but holding his laughing baby made it obvious that Slade had kept his word.

"Daddy, daddy Rose is back!" Lian babbled excitedly, wriggling in his arms, "and we played hide and seek and Rose didn't even find me and she made me peanut butter toast for breakfast and I asked her where you were but she said you were sleeping and that it'd been "a long night" and I ought to let you sleep... should I have let you sleep?"

He blushed hot at the idea of Lian trying to get in to wake him up while he and Dick were in the middle of things and nodded, "Yeah, etai yazi, I needed to sleep. Being a good girl for Rose?"

"Of course I am, daddy!" she sounded so very indignant that he had to laugh. "That's my girl," he said, hugging her close. Rose stepped out of the bedroom, a strangely soft smile on her lips as she watched them with that single blue eye, loose T-shirt nearly falling off one shoulder, drawstring sweats low on her hips. //Oh, great...//

"She's been an angel, Roy--good to see you again."

"Ah... yeah. Been a while, Rose. You grew up some," he commented. He couldn't say he was glad to see the now-sociopathic girl, but being nice wasn't going to hurt him.

From the way she beamed, he knew he'd still stepped straight into really, really hot water. //Aw, shit,// he thought, even as she cooed, "Oh, you noticed, thank you!" as she spun in a slow pirouette, "Nobody ever notices that I'm not a little girl anymore!" With the glare she was throwing Dick, there was little doubt who 'nobody' was.

//Damn, da--// "Play nice, Rose," Dick growled softly--and that caught Lian's attention. "Uncle Dick! You're here, too? Awesome!"

"Hi, baby girl, I missed you."

"I missed you, too--but I'm mad at you for making daddy unhappy," Roy couldn't see it, she was looking over his shoulder, but he could picture the fierce little expression clearly.

"I know I did... I'm going to try and make it up to him, if he'll let me." Roy was... still floored by that answer, despite everything. He felt his daughter's head jerk in a sharp nod against his shoulder. "Good. You'd better. I don't wanna be mad at you anymore, and you know really good games, too."

Dick laughed softly, "Yeah, I think I still remember a few. Rose, have you got that analysis written yet?"

Roy wasn't sure which was more amusing, the idea of Dick playing teacher, or the mutinous, sulky expression on the face of the deadly girl in front of him. "No, I haven't, somebody's been too busy planning to talk to me about it, and I'm still kind of confused."

"All right. Come on. We'll go work on that, and let Roy have some time with his daughter."

If he hadn't been looking right at her, Roy might have missed the slightly wistful expression that flashed across Rose's face. "All right. I'll go get it. Should I meet you in the study?"

"Yeah. More room to work on the table there, and I can grab the house copy if I really need to."

She walked past him, just a little too close, hitting him with a faceful of subtle scent--jasmine? probably from her shampoo--and headed out the door. Despite the fact that he was watching her shoulders, he could see the shifts of muscle that meant she'd developed something of a sway to her hips. She turned in the doorway, "Bye Lian! I have to go do homework, but I'll be back later! Bye, Roy..."

//Oh, god. No.// He turned to look wide-eyed at Dick, who was shaking his head. "I'll talk to her, Roy. I have to go too, Lian, Rose needs my help."

"Okay. I wanna talk to daddy, anyway."

Dick laughed and headed out the door, shaking his head as he followed Rose.

Roy sighed and walked over to drop onto a couch with his daughter, "So, what's up, Lian?"

Lian started chattering to him, and he much preferred to concentrate on his daughter than the fact that Deathstroke's very underage daughter was flirting with him. //And I thought my life was complicated before...//

*~*~*~

Dick caught up to Rose within a few steps out the door, and growled at her. "Mine, Rose."

"Aw, Diiick, I didn't mean anything by it..." She was trying the innocent act. Yeah, right. Like he hadn't mastered that years ago?

"You were either trying for me, or Roy, dressed like that, Rose. Either one is not acceptable. He's mine, and I am not sharing."

"Not even with Daddy?"

//Shit, when had the girl learned that one?// "Your father is a different story. You're too young, too impressionable, and my student. Not to mention that I don't want him hurt because your father takes offense. Stop. It."

She turned that big, blue eye on him pleadingly, "But I never see anyone! I just..."

"No. If you just have to practice flirtation, practice it on me. Leave Roy out of it. Slade knows you're safe with me."

"Maybe I don't want to be safe..." That tone was pure, liquid sin, and he shook his head. "Ro--"

"Gotcha! It worked!" she laughed and took off running before he could wipe the flabbergasted look off his face and give chase, laughing right along with her.